Sunday, September 26, 2010

I have an idea

I think movie producers should make a come-back film musical thing for high school musical. Except this time they should name it "high school shooting musical," and they should kill off all the people who were in High School Musical 1, 2, and 3.

Not saying that I condone school shootings, I'm just saying that High School Musical sucks and needs to die.


Friday, September 10, 2010

The Grocery Store Story

I was at a local grocery store looking to buy some frozen pizza, marshmallows, and milk (who are you to judge what I eat?). When I walked into the store I saw this tall, beautiful ginger--side note: I have a tall girl fetish, along with a ginger fetish--who had it all. She had radiant  blue eyes, flawless legs, a soul, and the absolute perfect skin tone.

I had to pinch myself. Could it really be? Could there really be the most beautiful girl I've ever seen alone in a grocery store? This was too good to be true. There was no way I was about to act like myself and just awkwardly stare at her while going about my shopping. I had to talk to her.

Once I gathered up the confidence to walk up to her and talk to her, I figured the best way to start a conversation was by pretending to be shopping for the same thing she was, and then have a conversation about the product. I thought it was a flawless plan.

Unfortunately, I was wrong. As I walked up to her, I was feeling so good about myself that I even had the confidence to talk to her, that I didn't consider looking at the product first. I grabbed a small box next to her, pretended to read it, and then looked to her and said: "Excuse me, Miss. Have you ever tried this? I can't decide if I should get it or not."

Worst. Possible. Move. Ever. We were in the Tampon isle.

/cuts self

The DEA lies.

The DEA obviously hides from the troops like Osama Bin Laden hides from the allied forces in whereverthefuck we're looking for him.

However, on the DEA's website it lists a plethora of (unfounded) arguments that justify their inhumane behavior. One of which is:

Fact 9: Europe’s More Liberal Drug Policies Are Not the Right Model for America.

Completely ambiguous and vague initial argument. Let's delve into it further:

The increasing use of marijuana is responsible for more than increased crime. It has widespread social implications as well.
That's interesting. The DEA is going to blame marijuana use (which, if you look at legitimate figures, never increased) for an increase in crime that NEVER HAPPENED. In fact, on May 19th of this year, the Dutch Justice Department announced that they were having to shut down prisons due to a lack of crime:

The Dutch justice ministry has announced it will close eight prisons and cut 1,200 jobs in the prison system. A decline in crime has left many cells empty.
The article infers that there might be some prison jobs in open in  Belgium for those 1,200 individuals. Oh, and by the way, Marijuana is decriminalized, not legalized in Belgium.


Thursday, September 9, 2010

My thoughts on war

Instead of using expensive, deadly and inhumane bombs on our enemies, I propose that we blast our enemies with the Jonas Brothers' music until they surrender due to nausea.

Monday, September 6, 2010

The Truth About Beauty

Most girls my age are self-conscious, it seems. But what they do not realize is that it does not matter if you are fat or skinny or blonde or bald, it is what is inside that counts. Well, you cannot take a picture of your inside, sorry girls.

The truth is most of them do not even believe their own bullshit. Every morning these same girls stand in the mirror like you and me and everybody else and criticize their bodies.

They poke that belly bump wishing it would flatten out

They try to hide their stretch mark

They spend hundreds of dollars on pro active and tanning salons and manicures and make up and teeth whitener and gym memberships all in an effort to make themselves look like the girls they admire in magazines.

What they do not know is that for every girl that wishes they could be more beautiful, there is another girl walking behind her who wishes she could look like the girl ahead. In other words, while you stand there on that wretched scale theres another girl standing on a scale wishing she could trade you numbers.

The truth is ladies, the body you have is the only one your ever going to get so you better start loving it or your just going to live life hating the only part of yourself you cant fully change. And even if you try to change it in as many ways as you possible, your vanity will never let you be truly happy because you will always be looking at the girl ahead of you wishing you had her ass or her hair.

You do not have to take my advice but the next time you find yourself in front of a mirror poking and prodding yourself, take a few steps back and see your body as a whole. Not the little close-up imperfections, the whole thing all at once.

You are a whole person.

You are not a pimple.
You are not a rippley thigh.
You are not a belly bump.

You are you as a whole, inside and out and THAT is real beauty; not a cleverly angled photo.

Pretty much, you life sucks if you don't find this funny

Sunday, September 5, 2010

Democracy is a load of shit

The general idea behind democracy is that if everybody has a chance to vote on something, that the people will make the most just choice. Bull shit. That doesn't even work in theory; let alone in practice. Theoretically speaking, if I decide that all red headed guys should be forced to stay indoors (fucking gingers), then people would vote it down. However, what if I created an initiative that ostracized an even less popular demographic than gingers (if such a thing exists). What arbitrary power would shoot that down, even if the majority of people supported it?

Well, in American democracy, the courts....who are democratically elected. So, essentially, the people decide who the people that have the final say in all matters are. They could easily vote for some irrational prick, like themselves.

Besides, why should we trust individuals (who are as self interested as the rest of us) to arbitrate? What's forcing the final authority from acting self interested and inserting his or her own voice into the litigation? None, obviously. Except, of course, for elections--which exacerbates the judges' taking a self interest in cases.

This holds true in practice. For example, Proposition 8. The state of California decided it'd be just to hold a vote to decide if separate but equal was just (which, according to Brown v. Board of Education should be illegal). The people decided that it was just because of a plethora of reasons--many of which boil down to bigotry. The courts notice that the people support separate but equal, and continually rule accordingly. Don't you love it when the justice system is so just?

There is no sense of populism that should be derived from democracy. By consenting to democracy, you are therefore giving up some individual sovereignty. You are saying: "My vote counts as much as yours; thus, you and I have equal say in how I live my life, and upon who governs me." How can you empower the individual by allowing everybody else in the fucking country decide how he or she lives their life?

I honestly don't see the difference between a tyrannical dictator telling me what to do, and 51 percent of people allowing a body of morons to tell me what to do.