The Grocery Store Story

I was at a local grocery store looking to buy some frozen pizza, marshmallows, and milk (who are you to judge what I eat?). When I walked into the store I saw this tall, beautiful ginger--side note: I have a tall girl fetish, along with a ginger fetish--who had it all. She had radiant  blue eyes, flawless legs, a soul, and the absolute perfect skin tone.

I had to pinch myself. Could it really be? Could there really be the most beautiful girl I've ever seen alone in a grocery store? This was too good to be true. There was no way I was about to act like myself and just awkwardly stare at her while going about my shopping. I had to talk to her.

Once I gathered up the confidence to walk up to her and talk to her, I figured the best way to start a conversation was by pretending to be shopping for the same thing she was, and then have a conversation about the product. I thought it was a flawless plan.


Unfortunately, I was wrong. As I walked up to her, I was feeling so good about myself that I even had the confidence to talk to her, that I didn't consider looking at the product first. I grabbed a small box next to her, pretended to read it, and then looked to her and said: "Excuse me, Miss. Have you ever tried this? I can't decide if I should get it or not."

Worst. Possible. Move. Ever. We were in the Tampon isle.

/cuts self